Dice and doors

I had been soaking in the fascinating book of Esther - enjoying short and long drives, and for once, not watching frustration rise in parallel with a longer and longer line of traffic. A series of coincidences, or is it really a series of God orchestrated events? Purim. A mockery of a worldview of chance, dice and lots? Events which resulted in God fulfilling his promise to his people, yet it is an entire book with no explicit mention of God. "Esther is meant to help us see God behind the scenes, even when it seems like he isn't there," the preacher had said.

And that evening, when my antennas for coincidences were more alert than ever, the door opened at the perfect moment. After a time of discouragement, and entertaining various thoughts about avoiding fellowship. A week when an ungracious attitude permeated through many of my daily interactions. When I seem to perpetuately dig up one thing or another to be affected by. If I listened hard enough that day, I could have heard my little sister asking me in a half joking, half exasperated tone, "why are you always sad jia jia?"

I wouldn't say it was an amazingly miraculous message from God. But it was enough to bring a smile, a little warmth, and light to the day. An invitation and encouragement to come, and a gentle reminder of a greater invitation to God's kingdom. After that small surprise, from a song we sang, I understood more clearly, about this invitation that doesn't depend on, or change, according to what I had or hadn't done.

So You Would Come - Hillsong

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

Come, and recieve a love and forgiveness like that which extended to the prodigal son. Come, and have the broken hearts and broken lives transformed by the word and his blood. Into treasures, carried in jars of clay. Thank you, God, you alone know how to turn a cold heart into streams of praise:

从天父而来的爱和恩典
把我们冰冷的心溶解
让我们献出每个音符
把它化为赞美之泉

Just on a side note, Esther, the open door, and the song, also left me to ponder about chance and God (which is, in many ways, not dissimilar to dreams and God). Pondered about chance encounters, about episodes from a time past, about dreams last night which could more accurately be described as nightmares, about the timing of seeing my own hatred mirroring a hate that I could not understand previously, amongst others things.

3 comments:

Judy said...

exactly we discussed about your unhappy week with Charlotte. She concluded that she is always not happy! Over the years, i hardly escaped the fellowships/bible studies/sermons as i worry that i might miss out some important message. Eevery time there is some message coming to my heart, can't afford to miss out! Good to hear that you are recorvery from the words of Lord!

tablecolor said...

"entertaining various thoughts about avoiding fellowship"

sounds familiar haha... not good though

Winnie said...

mum - haha well I'm glad at least one of your girls is a 开心果!

thanks also, for your example in being consistent, in serving God at DCCC, through good & bad times, and even though some brothers and sisters at church are difficult to work together with.

tablecolor - hey, you need to find somewhere to attend! :P I struggle with this issue a lot, but also recognise that fellowship is the place where we practice what we've learnt.

everyone can love those who love them, but forgiving, working together with a common goal, being patient, seeing the needs of others etc has a more profound meaning when it's hard to do so.

haha I should tell myself this more often, like now, when I'm preparing for the weekend!

 

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