Need a cover letter?

"Just see it as a way to test your acting / creative writing skills."

Dear most incredible hospital in the universe,

I am writing to apply for the internship position in 2013 with you. I care about patients, becoming a competent doctor, and having a good experience during my intern year.

However, I don't know what to write on this letter. I don't understand why you want me to regurgitate your values. Every hospital has similar values of excellence, compassion, respect, and teamwork anyway. Of course everyone is going to say that these are values they uphold - whether we do or not, you will find out in due course. Ha. Ha. Your information session came across as arrogant, elitist, and I don't care for your application process.  Your rotations are nearly the same as the other hospitals I'm applying to. You give the same spill about being supportive and providing great teaching. Why lie, I am apathetic about working with you and you are not even my first choice. However, I did not forget the abundant refreshments during your open day. This is a good sign of your generosity, and indicates that I will be well fed at your hospital. I am a very hungry person and food makes my world go round. You and I might actually make a perfect match.

Before you lose interest at my application... wait! I'm absolutely *amazing* and well rounded. I communicate well, and am both an excellent leader and team player. I've done a million extra things that I have no interest in to pad out my CV - conferences, volunteer work, committees, sporting, music and have even taken a course in rocket flying. I juggle my time so well that I have straight high distinctions and have worked full time, continuously, for 12 months, of at least 50 hours a week. I never sleep, I love waking up at 5am to go to ward rounds, I get a huge buzz from performing cannulations and writing discharge summaries. Don't you see? I'm a good doctor and I'm good at everything else. I am superhuman. So basically, I'm pretty amazing!

Okay, I stretched the truth. I'm not that amazing. And I'm terribly bored of writing this letter. I've run out of ideas. Oh here's one - you do employ some hot doctors driving fancy cars. I promise to come into work early so that I can spy on them early every morning. Alternatively, I can be enticed with a colourful breakfast of thick delicious yoghurt, croissants, raisin toast, cut fruit, tea and coffee. To conclude, my dearest hospital, it will be an absolutely incredibly unbelievable honour and delight to work slavishly under your rule. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours sincerely,

Very bored and insincere applicant

Systematic guide to op shopping

I am writing because I feel like a zombie. Writing and formatting these applications is putting me to sleep. ZzzzZz. I also visited the op shop again today, though I was just there two weeks ago. I prefer D-town op shops, the ones here can be pricey. Op shopping is fun. It's nice to recycle perfectly wearable clothes instead of disposing them. It's pure; no, just joking, I'm sounding like a hippie. But you do get to evaluate the product and design, with your opinions relatively untainted by price or brand. I'm happy to pick up expensive branded pieces, which I wouldn't usually buy. You get to see designs from decades past, some which are really great, some you wonder why clothes were ever made that way. And of course the main attraction is that it's cheap.

I was thinking about the process of op shopping today. If you go all the time you can ignore this post. And if you're a guy you can probably ignore this too, I don't know how op shopping works for boys.

1. What to look for

a) Op shops are good for items that age well. Jeans, slacks, skirts, good quality jackets, dresses, boots and bags. Yes you're buying second hand stuff, but unless it's a stylistic choice, you want pieces that look intact and feel fresh. Not old.

b) Op shops are bad for anything that is too intimate to be second hand - including underwear, nighties, stockings and scarves (I have bought scarves before but smell test it before you purchase). And op shops aren't the place to buy anything that is relatively cheap such as stockings, T-shirts and singlets.

2. Screening for potentials

a) Screening: treasure hunting is exciting, but digging through piles and piles of old, dirty looking clothing can get tedious. Here are some tips for reducing the time wasted. The easiest way is to have something in mind eg. work clothes and target the relevant sections. Once you start browsing you can screen items, before you start pulling out hangers, by look and feel. Visually inspect the colour, pattern, material and "new-ness" of the items (oh no this is starting to sound like steps of a physical exam). That way you can quickly pick out a beautiful colour, a flowery pattern you love, and more importantly screen out the items that actually look old and tired, with whites that are yellowing (jaundice?), colours that are fading (anaemia, ha), fabric or wool that is frayed. When you feel the rows of clothing you can quickly pick out good quality, comfortable to wear goods, from the scratchy, allergy-inducing stuff. You can also get an idea of whether, for example a skirt, is just right in heaviness, or too flimsy. If you are too lazy to iron like me, it's important to assess whether the folds hold their shape well, or crumple easily.

b) Quick assessment: once the item has passed the screening stage, take it out for a quick assessment for size and fit. If you can't work out whether a pair of pants is the right size for you visually, you will need more practice (or else you will spend a long time in the change rooms trying out items that don't fit, like I did in the past). This is the stage where you assess design (like or dislike) and details such as whether the jeans are high waisted or hipsters, skinnys or flares, whether the V neck is way too low, whether the skirt is the right length for your style, whether the sparkles are too childish etc.

3. Trying them out

You've picked a cute dress in the nicest shade of red. The next part is important - this is the definitive test (okay I will stop with the medical analogies). The best pieces of clothing are of no use if they don't fit onto your body. Apart from seeing whether the clothes fits from feel, and by looking at your reflection in the mirror, this is also the time to feel the suitability of the material (need to iron or okay not to iron), and check for defects such as missing buttons, dodgy zips and obvious stains. If the button is missing, like the shirt I bought today, assess whether it's easily fixed and if there are extra buttons you can pull out to replace the crucial buttons in the midline central chest area. It's a good idea to make two piles, "purchases" and "return to shelf" items, before you step out of the change room.

4. Deciding on the purchase

After steps 1 to 3, half the time it will be an obvious yes, or a no way. But other times, it's a maybe. Some points to consider are:

a) Price: set a limit - mine is roughly at least half of what I would normally pay for a similar new item, with an upper cap of $15. Exceptions can be made for very new, fantastic quality items. Some of these M op shops are ridiculous. Last time I tried on nice colourful, summery, Bardot dress and then saw the price tag of $35, hmm I'm pretty sure I can pay a little extra for a brand new one. Beware of the $10 Valleygirl shirt that you can easily find on sale in the actual store for the same price or cheaper.

b) Will you wear it? someone I know used to (but doesn't any more) buy loads of sale clothing that were never worn because they were too weird or out there. I also have a proportion of op shop clothes that stay with me for a little while but very soon ends up in the op shop again, or stays in the bottom of a dusty suitcase.



5. Finalise your purchase

Keep an eye out for days or seasons when certain op shops have specials. Go home and wash your clothes. But if you're not that fussy, and the piece passes the smell test, you can always wear it and then wash it with your next load.

Hmm halfway through writing this I realised that with the same headings, you could write something similar about picking a boy. Or a girl. So many interesting things to write about, yet we have to write letters of self promotion, flattery, and fake enthusiasm about how excited we are about working at X or Y. Nothing makes me very excited, well except delicious food, catching up with friends, playing with my sister, holidays, books, writing, drawing, singing, sleeping, okay maybe there are quite a few things but medicine does not seem to be one of them. Fortunately, this is on private and our lovely HR friends won't stumble across my apathy. Unfortunately, my apathy is probably evident even without a written declaration.

I met a dinosaur

SMS: lol I got the old man, fun.

I was told me about this old guy already, how he asked what my friend was doing in the clinic. My friend replied, I'm here to learn. Then later he joked about the paternity of the pregnancies in antenatal clinic. Haha. So being on time, or more on time than another student in my group, I had the great privilege of sitting in clinics with this man. He was in his eighties, thin white hair, neat shirt and pants, a vintage plaid suit, which didn't fit properly on his crooked and bent back. And the classic, old fashioned, rectangular leather briefcase that hardly anyone uses anymore. He was nice, and could almost be my grandfather. But his style was pretty unusual, and I had to hold my laughter so many times during the consultations.

"Now I'm going to examine your heart, which is under your left breast. Now I'm going to listen to the area above your left breast." Well, that's just making the physical examination more awkward than it needs to be for your lady patient. He asks another woman to get undressed for the vaginal swabs, and while she lies there waiting behind the curtains, he literally takes a good ten minutes or so to sloooowwwwly collect the equipment for the examination. "Just a minute, I will be coming in soon!" Then he takes another five or ten minutes to label the slides and containers. After she leaves he says, "oh my, we're not getting through these patients very fast, are we?" No, I smiled.

"G-l-u-c-o-s-e... 6 p-h-o-s-p-h-a-t-e... d-e-h-y-d-r-o-g-e-n-a-s-e... d-e-f-i-c-i-e-n-c-y... search." He uses two fingers to slowly type out the entire phrase. Hey, Google knows what you're searching for even if you type in the abbreviation G6PD. "Hmm," he scrolls down the page, "I should just click the first link that comes on the page right, right? Yes. Let me see, case report of hydops fetalis in G6PD woman, yes I will tell my patient this." Oh no, you don't know how to use a search engine? With patient in the room now, he says - "I don't know much about G6PD, there's some medications and foods you can't take right? But I'm not sure which ones." Wait, real doctors aren't that honest! Then he asks me whether he should send her to a haematologist, and I give a vague answer along the lines of it's probably not that important but it is a specialised field and it wouldn't be unreasonable. Then he asks again whether he should refer her on, not in a quizzing way but asking what to do next. I didn't say this out loud but - I don't know sir, you are the doctor.

"What is the day today? 28th of May?" Then he writes down 25/05/12 or something similarly wrong, and does this on multiple occasions. I corrected him once and he was quite thankful. But the next time it happened, I felt bad pointing it out again. Also, the antenatal record says "if Rh -ve then review...", and because the lady was positive, he goes and crosses out the Rh -ve and writes Rh+ve now so it reads, "if Rh+ve then review...". I wanted to point out, there is another box to write in blood group and Rh status.

 "Have you seen the midwife yet? No? You better see one for your next appointment, and talk about the midwife things that midwives like to talk about." I was trying to figure out whether he respected the midwives or whether that was supposed to be slightly mocking. I was also wondering whether he was treating me like a nurse, or was it that he was trying to get me involved, by not only asking me to prepare the gel on the ultrasound probe, and handing tissues to wipe it up, but even handing me the wet tissue with gel to throw in the bin, when the bin was right next to his hand.

At the end I thought, if we live and work for long enough we'll become a dinosaur, a museum relic, like this old doctor. Reminds me of the old surgeon who examined us for clinical skills in venepuncture, but had never seen a Vacutainer until the day of the exam, haha. I wonder how well we can function when we're more forgetful and slower, and would we be like these old doctors who can't keep up with tools of modern day technology? Not to be disrespectful of course - we've had many old but fantastic clinicians and tutors. Some have great medical knowledge, particularly thorough physical exam skills, and such interesting style. Who doesn't love the old fashioned suits and dark coloured doctor's bags with nifty equipment inside - it's as exciting and mysterious as Santa's sack.

I haven't written about the other lady doctor I've sat in with multiple times in clinic. She always walks in late to clinic, looking chaotic, and says that she needs to get herself organised. She has a coffee each Monday morning and says that she just went for coffee with her friend, and how she never has time to meet friends. Then she would proceed to change her runners into nice ladies footwear in an unladylike fashion. Then, though she wears visibly expensive doctor's standard (yes doctors dress like doctors, and it does get confusing when nurses and other allied health professionals dress well), she manages to be so tomboyish that her skirt is invariably crumpled and messy. This is from a lady who is older than my mother. Just a side note, she also behaves differently with to Caucasian patients. I've noticed that she makes sure she introduces me as a student, and explains the pregnancy issues in detail to the Caucasian ladies and don't bother much with the "ethnic" ladies. The other day we were told that men and women were treated differently in consult. Anyone know the findings on biases between how doctors treat their patients, and how patients view their doctors based on ethnicity?

Yes, I've just spent more energy observing and recalling the non essential details of a consult, rather than gaining medical knowledge. Maybe I should have studied something really artsy. Or go into something fluffy like psych in the future. Goodbye antenatal clinics, I won't miss you, at all.

Faces

Photos photos. I must have taken a million but found fault with all of them. It's not that I don't like my face. But the creases, blemishes, panda eyes, the fake or asymmetrical smiles really become quite apparent, and irritating when you stare at the photos for too long, trying to pick a suitable one to work with. Not to worry, you can always fix what you don't like it. Finally, I put my rusty Photoshop skills to use. Why put on make up when you can paint in your make up digitally, for free. Hey, at least I didn't give myself digital plastic surgery.

Yes, how inconvenient, at my age I'm still trying to work out what concealer, foundation, eyeliners, mascara, etc are for, and how to go about painting my face with them, and how can I wear it for a few hours without rubbing them off or onto my face. I've always wanted to be a boy and never worry about these things. And it's sort of embarrasing - guys, it's like being in your mid twenties and not being able to drive a car. Well I suppose my guy friends wouldn't be able to help me out (would be horrified if you offered), and I lack close female friends to consult.

I find it really hard to smile genuinely, taking photos on my own, with a boring white backdrop. No scenery, no mountains, no beach, no cute pets, no cuddly soft toys - just a plain white wall with a grey shadow. But scrolling through the photos, I noticed that in the same place, when we took photos together, my face lit up. Not exactly happier  (okay, maybe on some), but more animated. And literally, the lighting looked brighter in those photos. Or perhaps you're right in saying my face looks prettier because there's something to compare it to, ha, just kidding.

Not so fantastic

I had hopeful thoughts. Instead of scribbling sadness and anger, for the first time in ages, I started to jot down some positive things, about our interactions. I thought you were learning, being supportive, patient, thoughtful. I thought this semester started well, and unlike the last, maybe it will even end well.

Maybe, there will be less of these days. But nothing has changed. The forever standing conflicts over communication haven't improved. We laugh about it, but it's really not very funny when you can't start a chat without starting a fight. Just masked when we are in the same place more often and not required to demonstrate that extra effort. It's not like you're short of time these days or doing something important that you can't actually be attentive. Just lazy. For the millionth time - when I share my concerns, I want to talk to an alive, thoughtful, empathetic, normal, human, being. Not a wall, not generic answers, not robotic replies. Out of sight out of mind aye? Good to know before next year.

I hate optimistic thinking, it sets you up to be disappointed.

A: What do you think happened when the Prince found Cinderella?
Little girl: Uh, they got married and lived in a castle?
A: And... lived unhappily ever after! *evil laugh*

Feeling FANNNTASTIC!

Dr: how are you finding this rotation?

MS: *gives generic answer*

Dr: *asks again in slightly different wording*

MS: being a woman, the content is quite interesting, and it's nice to see people excited about their pregnancies, but the administration side of things isn't the best... perhaps I enjoyed the previous paediatrics rotation more

Dr: *probes*

MS: yes, this rotation does tend to produce quite polarised views among my coursemates, which is quite unusual for any rotation

Dr: *probes more*

MS: *talks about timetables, signing log books, interprofessional hatred etc*

Dr: why don't you bring that up to the school?

MS: I don't feel strongly about it, it's annoying but the system is functional. Are you involved in organising this rotation?

Dr: no I'm just interested, and you're the first person I've heard not give positive feedback on the women's rotation

MS: *uh, speechless*

I've heard very few people, especially from this course, making positive remarks about this rotation. I wanted to say but of course no one will actually tell you that, but stopped there. The only reason I answered, was that you asked and probed. But perhaps if I was to replay this I would hold my tongue and think of some positive words to say.

Which is basically along the same lines as what the W dean was saying in a discussion on job interviews. You didn't actually say this, but what you're really saying is that I need to take acting classes so I can learn how to be excited, enthusiastic, positive about these jobs, passionate about life. And hey, it's not true that I present the way I do because I'm a shy, reserved, quiet, Asian. It's more that I never quite feel "great!" or "FANNNTASTIC!" about medicine, or life, or anything really.(Unless you say that how I feel about life is an Asian trait, rather than a personality trait? hmm.) Does that make me a worse doctor? Maybe.

edit// After publishing the post I realised it's a bit of an inappropriate title considering the previous post, sorry.

What would you do

Shouldn't you give people more warning before you come and end everything Death? What about those things to do tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, in the years to come? What about parents, siblings and friends? :(

"Maybe hospital is not such a bad place after all. If you have some serious condition at least you're getting ready and have time to say your goodbyes. Yeah that's what I should say to patients next time."

That was said jokingly, in a morbid sort of way. No, that wouldn't be very nice. Preparation or no preparation? Which would you choose for yourself, or someone close to you? I don't know, but I guess we don't have to choose.

What about the strange medium of social networking profiles to announce and handle death? I guess it's used to announce and connect with your friends re: births, graduations, engagements, weddings, deaths and more. Isn't that creepy.

So what do people do with those profiles? Do they log in as the deceased person? How do you feel about finding out through their page? What would it be like if you just wrote it as a joke? How has it changed our grieving processes? How do you feel about writing to someone on their wall? How do you feel reading what other people have written? What if you say nothing? What if someone didnt' know and talked to them normally? What would you want to do with your page?